The Blind Chronicles

Over the weekend I was with my buddies in Boston. It was late, it was dark. Our crew had broken off for a good portion of the night but around midnight we all met up at the usual apartment we congregate at. We were doing our thing trying to stay lifted after a confusingly far walk back from all you can eat sushi. Two of our 5 passed out, so while two of us, including me, tried to wake up the fallen members, the last remaining went outside to a joined balcony to smoke a boge. After a good 20 minutes of unsuccessful attempts to reanimate the others, the fifth friend comes running into the room, totally out of breathe mumbling about blind people.

The two of us who were awake in the room had contemplated heading home for night before our out of breathe friend came bursting in. When she caught her breathe, she began with "Blind people, neighbors on the porch, blind people want to drink and smoke"

She had at me blind people. Blind people and smoking, one of 5 of my favorite things.

If I had known that blind people are just people that can't see, I most likely would have went home. I don't like meeting people, but I especially don't like meeting people who seem way older then me.

Maybe they were all just drunk, but I had to have been the youngest by 7 years not including my friends. This was based off appearance. A few things I do when I find myself in a situation I do not enjoy, while blending in with the conversation:

1. Never answer a question in more then 2 sentences
2. Never ask anyone a question, of any kind.
3. Never initiate dialogue
4. Avoid prolonged eye contact
5. Only ever look at the person talking
6. Nod a lot and say awesome or that's cool

I'm the Jordan of not getting to know you. Naturally though, in an setting with over 5 people, information will be spilled.

Now, these people were cool, nice, and interesting (debatable). If it wasn't 2 am I might have engaged and revealed myself a bit. But it was almost 2 am and I couldn't tell whether the gay guy was checking me out or the plus sized baby boomer was. The blind crew was running 4 deep, two blinds, two non blinds. The real problem was not the blinds, it was the non blinds. The blinds were cool, one had a girlfriend and the other was a fucking lawyer.

It makes me so proud that I live in a state that allows blinds to be lawyers. Not only did it make me proud but it gave me reassurance, I wasn't trying to get statutoried by the non blinds, and they gave some minor ass vibes. Some minor ass vibes.

But seriously what a state. Equality is right in the Common Wealth, people. Equality is right.

​I wonder if blind lawyers can take on cases of visual sexual assault.