Cybathlon, a Swiss-hosted Olympics for bionic athletes, will be held in October 2016.
The Cybathlon is a championship for racing pilots with disabilities (i.e. parathletes) who are using advanced assistive devices including robotic technologies, explains the event's website.
There will be numerous competitions for a broad selection of disciplines that will allow those with powered knee prostheses, wearable arm prostheses, powered exoskeletons, powered wheelchairs, electrically stimulated muscles and novel brain-computer interfaces to take part.
Many different forms of assistive devices will be accepted, including little-known prototypes from research labs as well as familiar commercial products. Each competition will award two medals -- one for the pilot and one for the individual(s) responsible for providing the device.
Holy fucking shit people. Brace yourselfs because this might be the news of an existence of an entire species of being. The fucking Cyborg Olympics people. Here they come, the newest generation of athletes. Humans morphed with technologically advanced technology.
Just look at that artists rendition. This shit is about to go to a whole nother level. Best part is, this shit starts up in the fall and there is no basis for the games that will be played. So what we are talking about is a bunch of robots competing in global Gutz.
Even better. Just keep that good news coming. Next thing you know theyll be telling us they cloned Bryan Beer and morphed half his human body into half a cyborg body. For the sake of the rest of the athletes, let everyone besides me hope that what I just outlined could never be true.
The Cyborg Olympics are going to be electric. Hu Ha.
The Tribune will be covering the Cyborg Olympics exclusively. Best case scenario they kidnap Jennifer Lawrence turn her into a half cyborg and turn this into a Hunger Games situation, have all the cyborgs fight to the death. That would be next level insane. Id say there is about 110% chance of that happening, besides the kidnapping of an A-list celebrity.
I have a couple questions to whoever is running this shit. Number one can I be on the board. Any board, preferably not one that I am nailed too. Anything else would suit me fine. Second, can this guy compete?
Yea I know he murdered someone, I think his girlfriend. But if we were to play out my Hunger Games scenario then it would all work out. Or you could just give him a pardon. I mean the man is a walking tabloid. Plus he has the legs of a robotic gazelle. If your having a cyborg Olympics, you can't exclude the only cyborg to compete in the real Olympics.
There is only one real problem with this concept. That is the security. If you were truly knowledgable about all things cyborg you would have known to keep this story on the wraps. Only leak it out in the cyborg community. Releasing the details to an event in which many cyborgs will be in attendance is the most dangerous thing they could have done. The security better have updated software. If they are using the old T1000 then they are fucked. The Schwartzanagger was designed to fuck that shit up. Now that this news has become mainstream, you can bet on it that the Schwarzenegger is formulating a plot to take us all down.
This is why you need The Tribune on your team. We cover all the bases, HA. Never do we leave any aspect in the dark, except Big Reds sexuality.
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