a blog by La Kifo
The past week has not been too kind for presidential hopefuls without large hands, as John Kaisch and Ted Cruz have dropped out of the running for the republican nomination.
If I am being honest this news really got to me. I love Ted Cruz, I like to think of us as pals. Pals that have never met and have zero desire too. Let the record show that if I voted, I would have voted for Ted Cruz. Let the record also show that I didn't vote because of Ted Cruz and other candidates.
What is my problem with Ted Cruz? I've said it many times, and I will keep saying it. He's ugly. I don't fuck with ugly people. Let me be a little more clear, I don't fuck with people on Ted Cruz's level of ugly. I feel all slimy just looking at him.
That might just be because I haven't showered today.
Regardless, of how I treat Ted Cruz, I will always have respect for his vision and goals.
One of my life goals was being in a porno, just like this dashingly ugly young Ted Cruz. Not only that, I too have plans for world domination, I could give a fuck about being super rich. That shit is second class to dominating all of Westeros with my dragons.
I have said it a couple times but Red, Horse, and I grew up with a kid who is literally a carbon copy of Ted Cruz. To a T, is that how the expression goes? I don't wanna put the kid on blast because he is an aspiring politician, at least the last time I heard from him that's what he was doing. Trust me when I say the similarities are uncannily hilarious.
I think we've all grown up with a Ted Cruz in our lives. Many people may have subconsciously blocked memories of those people, but they are there you just gotta look for them.
If we've all had a Ted Cruz in our lives, then we have all had a John Kaisch in our lives. Wondering who John Kaisch is? Exactly. That is the essence of John Kaisch. He is that dude you totally forgot existed but was there right near you the entire time. Kaisch will never be your friend, he will never win anything, and he will never speak out of turn. He just stays at the back of the pack, hoping and praying he gets his turn to speak. That turn never comes and the news of his suspended presidential campaign is a confirmation of that.
Let us go and witness some of the greatest moments from Ted Cruz, I couldn't find any moment of Kaisch even if I tried which I didn't.
Embarrassing, first lesson of politics, never shake a mans hand that is begging you to do so.
This video scared me, Ted Cruz actually showed that he was a human being. Even though he lied through the entire thing.
There is nothing more that I love in this world than filibusters and Ted Cruz. Ted Cruz filibustering is the best thing I have ever seen or possibly the worst thing I have ever seen, who knows.
Ted Cruz: "My father... he invented green eggs and ham... find your opportunities and always be sexy" Some wise words to live by, I just wish Ted himself could live by the latter half of that quote.
Farewell my sweet, my extremely not beautiful, go wistfully into the night without regret, maybe some regret, without pain or anguish. Be free Ted, be free.
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