Prophet loses Ass

Raw Story:

Alec Ndiwane thought he was filled with the Holy Spirit when he decided to “challenge” lions at the Kruger National Park.

The Zion Christian Church Prophet was at the park with his fellow church members when, according to GhanaWeb, he went into a trance and began speaking in tongues. The group approached the pride of lions while they munched happily on an antelope, but that’s when Ndiwane ran toward the lions.

Out To Africa lists humans as the major predator to lions, so it’s no surprise that the lions took on the challenge. Once he realized what was happening, Ndiwane made an about-face and immediately ran away. Unfortunately, lions are fast and fierce animals and when one of the lions snapped her paws on him, Ndiwane sustained injuries to his buttocks.

The ranger fired his gun into the air to scare the lions off and rushed the prophet to the hospital, where he underwent emergency surgery to ensure he didn’t lose most of his buttocks.

“I do not know what came over me,” Ndiwane confessed. “I thought the Lord wanted to use me to show his power over animals. Is it not we were given dominion over all creatures of the earth.” He was eventually stitched up and discharged after spending the night in hospital.

The world should be good for 5 or 6 stories like this a year. I do not remember the last person to kill themselves trying to display "gods" power. I think if there is one thing we have learned as a society in the 200,000 years of our existence is that "god" does not have physical powers of smite. Look at Bill Maher, if god could smite, he would have smited that bitch a while go. Also when Brad Pitt cut the head off of Apollo's statue, Brad Pitt was not smited right then and there on that beach. God could have smited him so hard it would have been impossible to find one piece of Brads golden body in that sand.

I also do not understand how we still have religious prophets in 2016. In the age where to be the best, you have to talk more and louder than anyone that says you are not. Someone propping up a person that does not happen to be themselves. Amazing. Too bad it is deeply intertwined with the another outdated concept.

Lastly when are people just going to admit that this "mysterious" tongues is such bullshit. Just because someone starts jumbling up 4 different languages does not mean they have inherited any sort of power or spirit.

Everything about this story is bullshit. Not even mentioning the story itself. Almost every aspect of this is incredibly stupid. If god is not protecting families in Africa from getting murdered by their own children then I don't think he is gonna protect one dude from a fucking African Lion.

If this is stories from a set of new show that is production I would be so pumped. Christian Jackass.