a blog by La Kifo
Today is National Stress Awareness day on the internet and to commemorate such a wonderful day I would like to honor stress and all that it offers us.
Without stress many of the everyday activities we cycle through on a daily basis would hold no meaning or substance. How could we quantify the the world we live in without all the range of emotions that we experience? There was never a being to live in this universe that behaves unilaterally. As animals we all experience stress, and on days like this we may wish that we never have. But without sugar artificially flavored to taste like lemon there is no Sprite, and if we never had dicks we wouldn't fall in love.
So without further ado, here are the things that cause stress in most of our lives.
Whether it is our own demise or the demise of the ones we love, death is a major stressor in this world. It is one that won't change soon either, studies show that once dead for the first time, you're 90% likely to remain dead.
And who knows what happens to us when we die? If you believe in the good word of god, then you are 100% going to hell. If you're reading this, there is no chance that you have any redeeming qualities that god desires. Think about it, you know how much you've sinned. Do you really think you've done enough in your life to make up for all that sinning? Probably not, who am I kidding, definitely not. Also, how do you know that your religion is the right one? What if it was the Mormons?
Someone has to have the right religion, and only that group of people is going to get in. By the law of logic and numbers, the right religion probably isn't the largest one. Sorry Muslims, Christians, Seculars/Non-Religious/Agnostic/Athiests, and Hindi's you guys are probably wrong.
Let's get back to the numbers though, 100% of us will die and 85% of bike helmets work effectively. But whose counting? We shouldn't let numbers, studies and facts deter us from the world. There is so much to do out there, and so little that can kill us.
Is it sane to think about Hurricanes and Tsunamis if you live in Louisianan, Florida, either Carolina, the Philippines, Haiti, or Japan? Why would you? Do you think people in Hollywood stress about earthquakes? It's like being scared of the Patriots missing the playoffs, it would never happen.
Money is a hot topic. We all need it, but we don't all have it. Would money solve some of my problems right now? Probably. Money can do a lot of things.
It can buy you a house.
It can keep you inside that house.
Money can also take you out of that house.
But it can buy you a hot meal.
Sometimes it feels like the world is not fair. You work hard, harder than most. Yet you go to the bar every weekend and only have $20 to buy drinks, food, and a ride home. Then you go home at night and read about people like Robert Durst, the son of New York Mogul Seymour Durst. The quaint story of Robert Durst is not unlike many in the rich community. Robert was/has/is suspected of murdering his first wife Kathleen McCormack Durst in 1982. Robert would go on to live a long a lavish life of alleged murder and intrigue as he would be suspected of going on to murder two more people, one a neighbor by the name of Morris Black, and the second an alleged close friend of Roberts, Susan Berman. Currently, Robert Durst is awaiting trial of the murder of Susan Berman, which is alleged to have happened in 2000. The Durst family networth is estimated by Forbes to be $4.4 billion. We will never know whom murdered Kathleen McCormack Durst, Robert will never tell the story, he won't even have to stand at a fair trial. The body was never found and any evidence that could have linked him to the murder is lost and gone for what may seems to be forever. He may very well be in line to receive light punishment as a suspect in the trial of Susan Bermans murder, and it's all because of money.
If you or I were to murder someone, I highly doubt our justice system would reach as far as it has for Robert Dursts assumed innocence as it would for either of us. That is what money does for you, it buys you power. And if you are sitting there wondering how much is enough to get your foot in the door, you don't have enough.
A big one here, I can go a lot of ways and I might just go through all of them. Relationships add a lot of stress to our lives. Whether they be the relationships between our family, friends or significant other. Maybe, you don't have family, maybe you don't have friends, maybe you don't have a significant other. Chances are if you don't have two of these three, then you have none of the three.
Being lonely is a gut wrenching emotion. Companionship is something deep within human nature that we desire. But some of us, maybe a lot of us don't have friends. You might have friends, but be honest, do you like them? Do you really want to be spending time hanging out with those losers? James has worn the same costume on Halloween for three years now! The problem is, you don't have anyone else. No one else enjoys your company. So what do you do?
I have no fucking clue, I have cool friends. I've never had this problem.
But what happens if you actually have no friends? What if you are so unlikable, that even people more undesirable than yourself won't want to hang out with you?
Honestly, couldn't help there again even if I wanted too, which I don't because face it, if the outside world doesn't want you, then why would a guy sitting inside writing on his computer want you?
Now when it comes to sexual relations, that is whole other story. Some of you may be stressed thinking, "oh, I think my husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/guy I casually see/girl I casually see is cheating on me," studies show, that if you are indeed thinking the exact thing I just typed then you are probably right.
Fuck em. If they are not treating you right then go find another. It's not like it is hard to find someone who either is so attracted to you that they put up with awful personality or wants to fuck you. People like that are everywhere. Try going on the internet and not finding hordes of men messaging you bullshit so they can stick their sticks somewhere pleasant. Trying to rely some quantitative data on an Chiropractor PhD message board, dick pics on dick pics. Want to find the perfect drum set for your son from the informed masses of Yahoo! Answers? The only set you will be finding is of lawyers to file restraining orders. But watch out when you hit Ask Jeeves for a good restraining order lawyer, because there is whole hole of guys wanting to put you in restraints.
I think you know what I am getting at, there are way too many people with perverted tendencies. Finding a man/woman/or bicentennial is hard. When you think about it, there are not that many people in the world that think all the stupid shit you call interesting isn't indeed actually fucking dumb as hell. How many exactly? 6. Yea that sounds right.
Now when it comes to the other side of the spectrum with sexual relationships and you simply just can't find one, quit. Just stop, it is really not worth the trouble you will go through if at this point in your life you are still alone. So, just quit.
Now I hope you all have had a time out of your busy schedules to stop and appreciate Stress Awareness day. Without days like these how would people know that there problems are just so insignificant that they should probably find a new way of life. The sisterhood of traveling nuns, Buddhism, Shitaki Mushrooms all of those are a great start for anyone looking to change up their meaningless perspective.
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