National Days just don't make much Sense

a blog by La Kifo

It seems like there has been a national day every day this past week. How the fuck does that work?

In the past week we have had National French Fry day, National Different Color eyes day, National Bikini day, National Cheer up the lonely day, Cow Appreciation day, National Chocolate with Almonds day.  All of those are actual national days, and they all have happened in the past seven days. How did we end up with these day, has it always been this way?

Have we always had National Different Color eyes day? What are you supposed to do on that day? Do you go around looking for people with two different colored eyes? Is this day restricted to humans or does it include animals with two different colored eyes? Do we give them money? Are we supposed to imprison them? The United States should send up guidelines to each and every national day. I have no clue what to do on nearly every single one of these days. How am I supposed to know whether to genocide a group of people with two different eye colors, give them money, befriend them, or raise awareness? I don't get it. National Cheer up the Lonely day? What the fuck does that mean? 

When is National have sex with a blogger day? or National Blowjob day? Both of those sound very intriguing. 

Can anyone create a national day? Is there some sort of online form I can submit to create one? Or did the President appoint a committee that handles all these matters? Is this committee hiring? Do they accept internships or volunteers? 

Listen, I am just trying to do the good work of understanding what to do and when to do it. If you're going to throw out national days that are supposed to have some importance, I am probably going to need to know how to proceed with those days. You can't just throw a group of people or some item in society and wrap the words National and day around it. That's racist. 

Anyway, if the Committee to create and change national days is looking for an arbiter, janitor, or random guy who sits in on meetings and never says a word, than I'm your man.