McDonalds Brawl takes an odd turn

a blog by La Kifo

If you've never had the pleasure of witnessing a full-fledged donnybrook at your local McDonalds, you might be missing out. Just as mysterious as the ingredients of their food, these fights can be dangerous and entertaining.

This fanatic frenzy is what you are missing out on, but did you catch the real madness? Go to :37 seconds. What is that? Is that a molotov cocktail?

I'm pretty sure that thing had a tail. But why would he be holding whatever it is like that if he wasn't going to set it on fire? Let's take a closer look.

My mistake, that's a fucking raccoon.

What is he doing? Is he trying to set this poor baby raccoon on fire? I have heard that coon hair is a great fire starter. I doubt it, if you pay attention, almost 30 seconds later he reenters the frame will his furry rabbis-infused pal.

The craziest thing about this video ain't the apparent race war consuming the entire lobby of McDanks. It's the old homeless man carrying around a baby raccoon, almost using it as fire grenade of stink and grime, then after he has seen enough he comes into frame dangling a wicked spliff between his lips as he exits the establishment. 

I've got a few theories for this one, and no it doesn't involve crab people although I wish it did. That old man is not your run of the mill old homeless dude. That is someone we all know and love. That is Justin Bieber, from the future. 

The Biebs, using his super dope time machine, transported himself back in time before the plague of 2073, and the attack of the Worm Dog 2100 part 1. A time and place much different from the one we find ourselves within currently. One where major military and diplomatic events are named by Michael Bay. A time in which our soil has run rampant with aids, a time with no future, a place with no meaning. The Biebs hung up his blonde bowl cut as the madness took over. People just no longer wanted to belieb. So, he has traveled back in time with his Raccoon friend to save the world, killing every last cultural phenomenon dead. That's the only way he may return to his wife Delia and tend to his prune farm. Airing on FOX, Mondays at 10:30 EST.