a redemption by La Kifo
Yes I am home, I did make it back to the United States. No, I was not deported. No, I was also definitely allowed back into the country with miminal resistance. What did happen, which happens almost unilaterally, was I primetime fuckage of myself at the hands of United Airloins.
I didn't actually miss a UFC 205 party. I actually watched UFC 205 from the United Club Lounge because I run shit. I don't know if any of you poor assholes have ever been to an Airline Club before but I imagine if United already has the worst planes, then they have to have the best Clubs. Not just Club sandwichs but the Club itself. They give you the standard shit like the free food, unlimited free alcohol, outlets, wifi, leg space, managable temperature, comfortable chairs. Anything and everything that you would never find in your sections of the Airport is all located inside the Club.
Back to one of my many points. First of all, I don't care how nice the people they have hired to run the corporate twitter account are, it doesn't make the company suck any less. Fuck United Airlines and fuck their gentle tweeting corporate drones acting supportive and apologetic. Your support and apologies did not magically import images from the entire Patriots v. Broncos game via the cloud. The entire flight and travel schedule was made around that game. I gave myself what was supposed to be a 2-3 hours of slack, in between my arrival and kickoff. The first thing they did was delay the flight due to battery problems or some extraodinarly dumb sounding reason. After maybe an hour had gone by, they had us board. Since I ball hard in the paint, I always get premier access for boarding snitch. Boarding group 1 all day. Unfortunate, yet inevitable, we sat on the plane for another hour before they kicked us off due to "battery problems". At this time, the flight crew informs us that they will continue to work on the problem and the delay will be a bit longer. If that statement from the capitan was true then I would have been able to catch essentially 3 quarters of the game. Of course, it was not and the mass of passengers were forced into shuttle buses, given hotel room vouchers and booked new flights in the morning. The story continues from here but the jizz of it is, United sucks, they fucked me and one day, maybe sooner than later, they will fuck you too.
That is the last time I am complaining though, I'm not about to ditch baller status flight priveledges just because they happen to be on a less than stellar airline.
To clear up any confusions or further questions, I had not showered for over 24 hours by the time I got to Houston. Which imperfectly transitions further into the progression of points, I am back.
There are a few small content kegs sitting in the freezer, all that needs to be done is the work so hopefully that will come soon.
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