a blog by Kifo
Today, like all days, news is breaking from the Nurse's office in the White House. After a routine examination and regular daily tests, the Day Care qualified nurse came to a shocking realization.
"It was something that we thought we had been monitoring very closely" the nurse proclaimed, "We were just on the brink of generating an understanding based on the results of our daily testing and examination. Then we get these results and it just totally blows everything we've done out the door". The frustrated nurse could not comprehend what he was looking at on his iPhone.
"We could just not believe our eyes, what we were seeing went against everything our tests had indicated before..." A Day Care Nursing intern told us, "Personally, I almost threw up... I really almost did... to think about the amount of time and effort we put into treating this... it truly made me want to throw up".
The White Houses Nursing sector has spent rigorous time with the Vice President since the inauguration of the president and this new administration. One nurse, threatened to quit after working over one hundred hours a week for seven weeks. "It's a tough job... they wouldn't put this much money into the sector if what we were doing wasn't damn near impossible", a different Nursing intern told us later in the day. The Nursing sector has spent upwards of seventeen million dollars since the Trump Administrations inauguration.
Expenses range from the electricity bill to bone saws.
"It's hard to even walk in there sometimes", one nurse stated referring the social environment that the Vice President secretes. "Some days... you just want to walk back out the door... get in your car and go home", He said as his gaze subverted downwards, "All that work... and negative progress... how does that even happen?". Well as you may imagine, medically curing Homophobia in Vice President Mike Pence, has proved harder than ever thought. With a budget exponentially exploding each day, and staff resignations coming in the hundreds, the Nursing department is at the end of their rope. "We don't even know what to do anymore... At this point, in my professional opinion... there is nothing left to do". Not much can be said, preceding those words.
The Nursing Department HAS tried everything. Two fortnights ago, the sector spent seven million of taxpayer dollars to supply and conduct Homotonomy (The process of manually reshaping the brain in order to instill acceptance of humans wanting to engage sexually with other humans of their same gender) on the Vice President (Per, the presidents orders).
Last week, the sector attempted Electhomo Therapy (pronounced: Elec-Tho-Moe Therapy). This procedure, was attempting to manually correlate thoughts of murdering and eradicating homosexual people with deep physical pain. Neither have worked, but together, the two procedures have cost the American taxpayer over twelve million dollars.
The President and his press office declined interviews and requests for comments. Yet, the New Yorker published an article chronicling the assent of the Indiana guy who hates gays, including this little tid bit,
"During a meeting with a legal scholar, Trump belittled Pence’s determination to overturn Roe v. Wade. The legal scholar had said that, if the Supreme Court did so, many states would likely legalize abortion on their own. 'You see?' Trump asked Pence. 'You’ve wasted all this time and energy on it, and it’s not going to end abortion anyway.' When the conversation turned to gay rights, Trump motioned toward Pence and joked, 'Don’t ask that guy—he wants to hang them all!'"
We are heading towards a dark time in employment of proper nursing care within the White House. We are moving, dramatically fast, straight into an iceberg that reads, "We Are Fucked... if we don't get the right Male nurses in the white house".
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