Behave Children

a stern repromanding by La Kifo

Children, children, children of the internet. Calm down, the last time Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, LinkdIn, Snapchat, Instagram all blew up in a politico rage I chose to say nothing. I decided to let you guys have that one, to not orally castrate. Even now, I do not feel the need in coming down to the basement and giving you this talk, your mother made me. 

How are we all doing? Bad? Probably not as bad as this person. Whoever the screaming fool in the video happens to be, certainly is not having a better time than you. Also, I am not just talking about you. You are not the absolute worst person to watch react to this political holiday. There is always someone worse.

Honey, you need to find a hobby. Common Misconception: Politics are any of the following: Fun, Funny, Interesting, Engaging, A Good Late Night Snack.  

What I want to say today encapsulates the talking points in this weeks memo. Social Media has evolved from its docile, nubile state into something so inconspicuous we do not see it. Social Media might as well be S&M, at least it is for anyone with opinions like mine*. 

The digital beating and suffering upstanding men like Piers Morgan has to endure is engrossing*. 

This celebrity twitter war that is almost so goofy, I nearly expect the next person chiming in to be Daffy. It was all sparked by this. 

Wrong video, my bad, but it is a very interesting and insightful look into the link between Satan, the end of times and Madona. 

I also would like to apologize, the feud was not started by a Madona sighting in such clothing as below.

I am sorry you had to see that, but it was actually this that sparked the controversy. 

(If the video opens at the beginning, do not bother watching it all. Skip to 4:08, watch 30 seconds and then do as you may)

I don't want to say anything bad about Madonna. But, what good is there to say about her? 

Honest question, isn't Madonna the last person you'd ask to speak at a women's rally? Like the exact last person. Last in the sense that you would have picked Ron Jeremy and Floyd Fairweather to present a slideshow before you would have asked Madonna to pick up a mic. And I'm not being a dick, not even in the slightest.

You specifically don't pick Madonna because she inevitably said something like "I have thought a lot about blowing up the white house". About five percent of actively living people in this country would have said something along those lines in public, at a nationally broadcast and covered women's rally, during thanksgiving dinner. What is the real difference? The solvable problem is always Madonna. Get her out of everything, filter her from our eyes because when she opens her mouth it makes me feel like 0:12. 

So kids here are the lessons for today:

1. Never look at the camera
2. Stop bullying Piers Morgan
3. Stay Away from Madonna
4. My name is Kifo, not Dad

*statements made that hold the asterisks following them are completely and totally fabrications for the intended use of comedy*.

​I don't give the internet credit for its sense of humor or just general intelligence and I'm glad I decided to do it that way.