Aye, yo TIKO Texas, sucks

Just popped on the Portnoy Tiko Texas video on Barstool. 

People were saying that it was hilarious, dude go watch it. 

Well I did. Maybe it was funny, I stopped watching around 3 minutes in. I think Portnoy is hilarious, but that video was downright sad. I only watched three minutes. It was like watching a beached whale slowly dying. 

I am sorry Tiko but you suck. You are the weirdest person Barstool has ever come across. I'm not talking about your look or anything about your appearance. And Im not gonna add on to any existing rhetoric of your crazy life. Maybe using the word life is a bit extreme because all indications point towards you having none. The first real thing you talk about on the video, is I need to take KFCs job. So from the last time we saw you, which was like maybe a fucking year ago, you still have to constantly talk about him? 

Mind bottling, absolutely mind bottling. 

What do you do? In between your stops at Target for free wifi and your terrible music, like what do you do? You have that little going on that a year later your still making the same "jokes" and insults. With that much time you should at least have thought of something else to say. 

Now I have prepared for when you use the excuse of you were playing up the KFC hate for the video. Cool, I can also completely make things up. I took a 10 lb shit one time. See not that hard to do. If you were smart you would realize your on a video that is being watched by a large group of people whom the majority are automatically not going to like you. No, because KFC works for barstool, he has fans who read and visit barstool, I don't think your fans even know who you are, CDs these days are valuable flame material on the streets. 

Now lets move onto the other 50% of what you said. I need to take his job. Are you trying to make this easy for me? Bitch you need a job. The day you take KFCs job is the day the entire world becomes illiterate and deaf. If you had KFCs job... you wouldnt because Dave would have fired you the first hour you showed up late to work. Then after that little bit you say, like no likes him. I dont know like what kinda IQ your dealing with inside your head, but again a very stupid thing to say. You realize your talking to his fans, not yours. Barstool is for the common man by the man not for the homeless man by the homeless woman. 

If they had cut every time you speak in the video I would have actually been able to watch the whole thing. 

Please get at me, I would love to hear another headache inducing piece of shit to come out of your public library garage band studio. Heres to hoping I never have to think about you ever again.

If everything you did was a joke and you meant none of it, that would be a million times worse. So for your sake I hope your not kidding, because not only do you suck at music, you suck at being funny too. Which shouldnt be hard for someone whose stage name is Tiko Texas. You should be able to walk out into a crowd of bursting laughter. You can't even do that. 

A little tip, if you wanna be funny just shut the fuck up. People should laugh just looking at you.