a blog by La Kifo Facial hair used to a key in distinguishing between a porno or a cheap movie in the late 80s/90s. These days the facial hair game is all but gone in porn, so here are some mens facial hairs that belong in porn. In no particular order, number one is Geraldo Rivera. A staple in the mustache game since the 80s, this man screams porn or Russell Crowes junky partner in American Gangster. Movie references are neither here nor there, this is about porn. Not about John Ortiz played a drug addict cop. Rivera has already appeared in PlayGirl mag, so what's the problem with making the jump from print to film? I think we all know, women would love to take a ride on that furry face. Coming in hot at number two is Anderson the Spider Silva. I hope he can't read English, but Brazilians are huge fans of booty talk so I'm sure he won't mind. He might be the dark horse of the group, but a couple things make him a man for this list. First is the goatee. When you have a goatee of that caliber, it's almost impossible not to end up in the porn business. Apparently the dude likes to party, and if my inherent racism regarding Brazilians, stemming from my experiences with Brazilian people, then porn would be a perfect retirement job for the spider. I can already see it now, The Spider burying his spider cock in an innocent 4'11 blonde 19 year old screaming in pain when the tip penetrates. Now, you tell me, are they doing anal or not? This next one pretty much wrote itself. The third man with hair growing from his face good enough to be in porn, David Letterman. What else is there to say that this photo already has not? Ball State? Come on, don't make it too easy on me, guy. Letterman would be perfect for the emerging porn category that is hotter than Geraldo, borderline incestual porn. You've seen, because I've seen it. This step daughter, step mother porn is spreading like HIV in the monkey community. Try and tell me that Letterman wouldn't be the perfect step father to a Riley Reid? For purposes of masturbatory security, I'll let anyone whose interested look into a so called Riley Reid on their own time. If the masters of production over at the Big Porn Corporation find the former late night host a bit too old, then toss him in the GILF category. Don't tell me you have no clue what that is because even though it is a small subcategory, it still exists no matter how disgusting it is. Number four was a hard one, I only had the first three in mind when I thought of this concept. I'm throwing rocks at the wall here guys, but if you want to deny the thickness of the mustache on Marc Marons face then go ahead I won't stop you. Now, I know Marc is a sensitive guy. I don't want the 53 year old to take this the wrong way, because I mean this as a sincere compliment, your beard belongs in porn. It's not just the beard either, the streaks of white hair going down the sides is a killer in the naughty porn step father industry. Fuck Letterman as the step father, put him in with the GILFs. Marc Maron deserves the distinction of the porn father. Depicting the fucking of a step daughter, even if the women has no real blood or paper relation, it's just not something people in this day and age are very open to. Maybe it isn't the kind of distinction you want to place on your mantle, but it something to be proud about. I am sorry Marc, only god makes faces and only god distinguishes me to separate the non-porn faces from the porn faces. The fifth and final, should be something be good. Let me clarify this, I don't know if this is real. I never watched Star Galactica. The porno can pretty much write itself once you toss a goatee, eyebrows and ears like that onto screen. There are so many different ways you could go, Star Wars parody.... ehh that's pretty much it. I guess you could do a Star Galactica porn parody, but no one watches that show. You could say he would be perfect for some intergalactic alien porn but isn't that the same thing as Star Wars? At the end of the day this guy would be perfect for the modern porn industry. All the little kids love the Star Wars reboot of A New Hope, and I can't think of a safer, more constructive way to introduce children to porn.
That's the end game right? Every industry is trying to get kids on their shit, am I wrong? Vaping, cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana, violent Quentin Tarrantino movies, Football. Pretty much, if it's a thing, then the CEO is trying to weasel kids into loving it. Our world works in a funny way, we are fueled from child labor in places of the world we do not care to even think about and at same time, in our own backyard, there is a culture of inducing childhood addiction. A bit deep for a blog about porn, but I always say if you can't relate it to porn then you probably shouldn't talk about it. Comments are closed.
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