a blog by Internet Mutants
There is always something to hate about the holidays. Whether it be preparing food, cleaning the house, organizing, sleeping arrangements, exorcisms, wild fires, or the shopping. None of it is fun.
The boys say funk that noise. In honor of the dark lord, I bring you the best avaliable restaurant reservations on Thanksgiving. The boys and our interns spent a long time creating this holiday themed content, so y'all best be happy.
To be honest, this idea was brought to me by an underling. My immediate thought; this blopic (blog topic, pronounced: blah-pic) had to be the most original, creative and unique blopic ever. So original, it must be blogged. Simpler than simple, plainer and smoother than MiraLAX.
Thanksgiving is the most difficult of the November holidays. It requires a vastly larger amount of effort than posting phony support of military members on social media but, only a smidge harder than submitting yourself to me on, the day of days, my birthday.
Two more sentences until we start. Or is it one?
Del Frisco's Double Eagle Steakhouse
Reservations every 15 minutes
These times are primes. Not prime numbers, but prime time. Bostons jewel, located in Seaport, Massachusetts, is a great place to celebrate or throw around cash. Paired with a housing market, having 20% of homes affordable to middle and lower income buyers, this Eagle Steakhouse is fit for the perfectly pompous. Taking your stripper girlfriend out on dads credit card? Why not try it here? Making money sucking an elder rich's gooch once a month? Come down and get a cocktail, which is neither part cock or tail.
Talking about Del Frisco's in Seaport, without mentioning the menu might be a sin. It features the freshest Eagle the market has to offer. As apart of a special offer, Del Frisco sticks to the promise its name makes. Order one Eagle dish with a side of boiled Whale and get a second Eagle dish free of charge. Del Frisco and the Double Eagle special is by and large, one of, the best offers on Thanksgiving.
Thank you, to the majority of trash that powered through the first section of this blopic. I do know, a double Eagle dinner, might be a bit out of my audiences price range. Yet, I am attempting to garner a bit of class here, which is why I chose the next set of reservations.
Basically anywhere, a lot more in Maine.
Reservations every two minutes
Talking on the subject of class food with great pricing, Denny's will always be a perrenial contender. While they not have Eagle in the kitchen, they do have baseball equipment. The Denny's Grand Slam deal is what I speak of.
Tasked with eating a baseball glove in under 30 minutes, is the first part of the challenge/deal. You must then, run three laps around the restaurant, inject steroids, and get drafted to the MLB. Once you complete the first leg, eating the glove, you will have two weeks to complete the second part of the challenge. A failure to complete that, is something you do not want to be involved with. On someone else's hand, winning brings the best of prizes. Win the Grand Slam and Denny's will give you; a plate of pancakes, a lunch sandwich of your waiters choice, an entree that features gravy, and a side of French style fries. Free? HA, no. $18.99, not including drinks.
Wrentham, MA/Taunton, MA
Reservations every 1 minute
Tuesday are usually the day to head over to Ruby's, she gives great blow jobs. I think we can make an exception for the holidays and the deal, though. Not that Ruby Tuesday offered to promote a deal, because they didn't. They don't have a thanksgiving deal but, do they really need one?
This questions answer would be non. Ruby Tuesdays has got the best burgers I've ever eaten on a Tuesday. The reservations were chosen, despite the lack of a deal, because I know how hot it is. Not all of us can afford, affordable housing. We can't all suck on the teet of the government, we're not white men, we're not white women, we're not Bill or Hillary Clinton, we're not dreamers, we're not Vladimir Putin, we're not on crack. We are none of those things, except maybe the latter. We are boys, and boys get the best. Why is that? Because. Just because. And because, we are not women, or second class citizens.
Teets of the government are hairy and bumpy anyway. I actually heard, the other day, that those teets smell like sulfur. For those of us, whom, hate the holidays and do not smell of sulfur, we only have one thing to do. Rake It Up.
Tell them hoes, I made love to a strippa, first I had to tip her. Rake it up, keep raking it up.
Follow Us Elsewhere