Blog From My Address.3

a blog by Brian

It was an odd week for the boys, it was an odd week. 

I have a few questions, not for you. I have questions that don't have easy answers, should I get the fuck out of here? What am I doing? Does it make sense?

That last one was for you. I don't think this should make sense, but I really don't know if I should be here. I feel as if I need to leave. Leave Boston, leave Massachusetts, leave and go west. I don't feel comfortable here at my parents house, or maybe I feel too comfortable. 

I just don't know how the fuck things are going to work out for me if all I insist on doing is writing blogs that no one really reads and making videos that people don't really watch. I want to grind, but I don't, because where would I go? What would vagabond moving across this country accomplish?

Would I just get somewhere to not have WiFi, and a place to stay or a car to drive? I don't know, but I really wish I had come across these questions much earlier. 

What if I'm not that funny? What if, the only one laughing was me? I don't know that either. If I'm not funny, what are my other talents? 

Photoshop? There are a lot of people with Photoshop skills and a lot with more than I.
3D Animation? Again, I can't waive that around as if I am some sort of expert.
Filming? I think the trend is pretty clear.
Editing? So many people have flooded these industries. Where do I fit in? 

I have minimal experience, paired with moderate skills. 

I can't stay here though. I can't. 

I miss my dog. 

His death activated this itch. Maybe. I feel like shit, I feel like a lot of things are shitty, I'm not having a good time people. 

I literally just had an idea, maybe I road trip east coast to west. Take pictures in every state and document my travels across the country. 

According to my calculations, it would cost me $261.29 in gas, if I drive from my address to California. Double that and there is the round trip cost in gas. That is not a lot of money, but if I am stopping once in every state I pass through then I should factor in at least one more tank fill up. There is also food.

I could pack myself food for the entire trip but there would certainly be a point in which I would need to eat something different for mental health reasons. Yet, I would still need to pay for the food in the first place. 

So, do you see what I am saying? I could do all this, but I would probably end right back here. In the same chair, leaning over the same desk, with the same lack of money. Could I sell a movie like that? My Trip through the middle of America? 

I really don't think so. 

I could take that $600+ and make t-shirts, sweaters, hats. 

$600+ could teach me to code in a week or two this winter.